September 2023
It felt great for a while just to roll out of bed and “go to church” in our pajamas, tuning into our favorite preacher while enjoying the message with a cup of hot coffee in our hands. Or, maybe, slapping in our earbuds while going for a walk and listening to a great sermon, depending on our own mood for that day. It’s been a so-called dream – going to church on our own terms with little effort and maximum convenience. Even before the pandemic, megachurches were making the Sunday morning experience very easy. You could sit in the back row, with few people recognizing you, enjoy great music, excellent entertainment, meaningful messages, and escape back to your car without getting into a conversation with anyone.
But have we had enough of what I would call these lonely church experiences? Souls are now beleaguered and starving for friendships as having our own ample space isn’t as great as we thought it would be. At the end of the day, what we need more than anything is to be known and listened to by another person. Christianity was never meant to be pursued or practiced in what has become our hyper individualistic environment. We are called to live the Christian life together with others, always within a community and never alone.
As Christians in a post pandemic world, we have come to a severe fork in the road; do we go back to church as we knew it, skip it all together, or look for other ways to seek fellowship with other believers? We are realizing that being alone is terrible for our overall health, endlessly destructive to our wellbeing, and no longer an option for many of us. As part of my calling as a minister, I have always enjoyed beginning new small groups for believers to gather and enjoy each other’s company. During the past 25 years, I have gathered and taught three different men’s Bible study groups. I am also a member of prayer groups. Since the pandemic began, I have watched as these groups have exploded with growth and enthusiasm. These men have become extremely hungry for companionship and a regular opportunity to be with other men. Half of these participants attend their own local churches, but a majority do not attend church at all; my Bible studies have become their new fellowship as they put their toes back in the water of “doing church.” Within these groups, many friendships have formed developing into a Christian brotherhood.
At the same time, the American Church is at a severe juncture as well. Current or former parishioners are asking for more intimate settings to grow in their faith and gain new friendships. They are increasingly more willing now to share their lives with others rather than race back to their cars at the end of the service and be alone. They have had enough of loneliness. As a result, many pastors are now looking for ways to provide small group opportunities for their congregants and worry less about filling pews on Sunday mornings. Mental health and addiction issues are ravaging families as the debris from our lonely pursuits takes its toll; being unaccountable to others is no longer so attractive. Perhaps this is what God had in mind all along – that we would eventually grow tired and exhausted with our so-called conveniences and individual pursuits of him and our desire to define spirituality on our own terms. Christians are remembering that the early church in the First and Second Centuries exploded with growth when people met in each other’s homes, not in big fancy buildings or concert halls. We are being reminded that church growth happens when lives are transformed by the Good News and the Holy Spirit, not when attendees of worship services are being entertained, never really engaged, and left alone. Transformed lives take place when there is friendship, vulnerability, love, prayers, and faith, often developed in small group settings that can even take place in homes.
Bottom line: don’t expect to make advances in your spiritual life if you are pursuing it alone or anonymously in the back row of a big church. God wants you to join a small group where the inner workings of your heart and life can be shared with others. Jesus himself invited just 12 men to be members of his most special small group. When I take people on vision trips overseas, I usually have eight to 20 people in the group so I can give them my full attention and help them bond in their fellowship with one another. Many scholars believe Jesus defined church when he said, “For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.” (Matthew 18:20) Church is very simple; it is a gathering of believers where worship, prayer, and lives are enjoyed and shared. We should never make church too fancy, complicated, or convenient. It should be regular, healthy, and require self-sacrifice as well.
The three fastest growing churches in the world today are in Iran, Afghanistan, and China; all three countries have enormous networks of house churches. It is estimated that China today has more than 10 million underground house churches. Missiologists tell us that house churches multiply at much faster rates than congregations with traditional buildings. Today, for example, Europe and some parts of the United States are littered with empty church buildings as the Christian faith has become less desired by a younger generation. In Egypt, where I travel quite often, there are now upwards of three to four million former Muslims who are now followers of Jesus meeting regularly in homes.
House churches multiply rapidly because lives are being changed and that joy becomes contagious and shared with others. Growth in spiritual life requires a group; it cannot be obtained alone. When like-minded people who are earnestly seeking to know and understand the will of God meet in a small group setting, they begin to experience the presence of God. Another thing Jesus said in Matthew chapter 18 is, “…If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you.” (Matthew 18:19b) In other words, God becomes so delighted when we meet with other believers in small group settings that he encourages and reminds us to pray – so he can answer us according to his will for our lives. In such fellowship we gain encouragement, wisdom, counsel, and examples of faith from others that we need for our own lives.
Psychologists are stressing more than ever the need for people to seek and establish deep friendships with others as we journey through life. We need more emotional support than we are willing to admit. At the end of the day, friendships mean more to us than our career achievements or the college we attended. A true friend is someone who listens well, forgives, and is slow to make judgments of any sort. As opportunities present themselves, our most special friendships are centered around our faith. Jesus wants to be amid our friendships, enhance and expand them, and deepen them as we seek greater vulnerability with each other, receiving the gifts of healing, wisdom, faith, and hope together.
The start of the fall season is now upon us. It is a perfect time to make decisions and set patterns for this new school year. If we are tired of being alone even when listening to a great Christian podcast and are now ready and wanting greater friendships and spiritual companions in our lives, we must take proactive steps to achieve these most important goals. There are many ways to get together with other followers of Jesus, not just in traditional ways but now increasingly in creative ways to enjoy fellowship, study God’s Word, and pray. You might want to begin a small group to meet regularly in your home or a friend’s home. Or you may want to return to your more traditional church and help create small group opportunities there.
Over the years, it has been a joy for me to be in fellowship with you as my readers and wonderful friends. I am very grateful for the many times and ways we have shared faith with each other. If there is anything I can do to help you now think through how to get back into the game of a meaningful Christian life, please let me know. We are in this battle together. Please, do not try to do this alone. Never alone.
